Taking its Toll
by Ledger.Lines
Summary: Severus Snape arrives early to the order meeting, and glimpses just how much Azkaban really affected Mr. Black. No slash. Rated T to be safe.   Warning: This is a dark fic, some content could be triggering. Reader discretion advised.


**AN: I personally am of the belief that Azkaban took more of a toll on Sirius then we could've thought.**

**This is for the Creepy Quotes Challenge. I hope you enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, but the ideas are… just not some of the quotes :P **

**WARNING: This fic is dark, and may be unsettling or triggering. It's rated T just to be safe.**

Severus walked into the kitchen at Grimmauld place, and sat down at the table. He looked at the wall clock. _I thought the meeting was going to start about now. _

He heard footsteps, and turned around to see Sirius standing in the doorway.

"Always a keener aren't we Snivellus?" A smirk danced across his lips. "The meeting doesn't start for another half hour, didn't anyone let you know?"

Severus groaned internally, _These infernal people always forgetting to let me know what's going on. _

"As a matter of fact, no one told me Black. Perhaps you could alert me as to why that it?"

"I think it should be obvious by now Severus," he sneered, "We all know you're Voldemort's spy, but Dumbledore is just too trusting of you to kick you to the curb. Maybe someone decided that if no one was here, you'd go away. But someone's always here, someone's always watching Snivellus."

Severus felt the anger bubbling up inside of him, "I'll have you know Black, that I'm loyal to this cause. I'd die for it..." and under his breath, "if only because of Lily."

Sirius heard him, "Why would you fight for her?" He asked his voice high and cruel. "She was always James' you know, from the moment their eyes met, it was only a matter of time. You never had a chance." Memories flashed through Snape's mind, each one more painful than the last. "After all," Sirius continued, "How could you ever compare to James Potter?" Severus lost it. He sent a curse flying at Sirius, too quickly for him to stop it. It hit its mark, the left side of Sirius' chest.

He laughed a cold, humourless laugh, " Ha. Were you trying for my heart Sevvy? Were you trying to kill me? Well sir, no matter how deep you cut, you'll never reach my heart, as it's no longer there."

"Believe me Black, if I started murdering people there'd be none of you left." They stayed in silence, each waiting for the other to speak.

Finally, Sirius moved. He went and set the kettle on the stove. Severus watched him, and again the memories came. There was a significant difference between the Sirius he had seen then, and the one who stood before him now.

"You know, Severus? We're all just waiting really." Snape was confused by the sudden change of tone.

"I beg your pardon?"

Sirius turned to face him, a grim look on his face. "We are all just waiting in a long line to die." He waited a few seconds for those words to sink in. "I was so close you know, I could just feel the life slipping away from me, but then I got out. I almost wish I hadn't."

Severus was speechless. "What about the Potter boy? Are you saying you wish you didn't know your godson?"

Sirius shook his head sadly, "Harry is the spitting image of James. All I see when I see Harry is my dead best friend, and the eyes of his dead wife. I should've stopped them. Should've stopped them. But it's too late now, they're gone."

Severus opened his mouth, but was interrupted by a sing-songy voice from Sirius, "All gone, all gone."

Snape stood there, eyes wide. He was beginning to get quite nervous.

Silence.

Snape didn't want to say anything, for fear of what the reply might be, but Sirius just stared at him, and it was making him quite uncomfortable.

"Sirius, what happened? You used to be so much happier." As much as he hated to admit it, Severus had actually grown concerned for the other man. His hands were twitching, and his eyes were bloodshot and darting around. He wasn't the carefree boy he had once been.

"I spent year after year in Azkaban Severus. I've seen true, pure darkness, in its every form." At a questioning look from Snape, he elaborated, "I've seen the darkness in the room when the lights are turned off, the darkness in a person when he decides to kill his wife and daughter, I looked into that man's eyes. They were dark. I've seen darkness that accompanies the dementors, every move they make, powered by our fear. I've seen the darkness of those with nothing left to fear, the ones who've been there the longest. You can always tell. Those eyes. I've seen the darkness of the insanity that lies within everyone Snape, you just have to wait to let it out. But it'll come, it always comes."

He had a frightening little grin on his face and hint of madness in his eyes. Snape thought he saw Sirius' head twitch, but it went by so quickly that he decided he had just imagined it. "That darkness never really leaves, not once you've seen it." He chuckled quietly to himself, and Severus heard him whisper, "Never leaves, never leaves."

Just as he was about to suggest that Sirius get some help, he heard the other members arrive.

"Excuse me Severus, I have to go put on a mask now and play good host."

Severus left the room after Sirius to use the toilets, and as he walked past the door to Sirius' room, he heard the hushed whispers in a voice he didn't recognize,

"Sirius, be a good boy. Behave." Something he couldn't make out, and then a different, panicky voice, "No need for that now. No no no no! Stop it, I'm being nice, I'll be nice." He heard the doorknob turn, and backed into the shadows, Black didn't notice him, and instead kept whispering, "I'll be nice, I'll be a very good boy."

He looked into the room, and found no one was there.

The Order meeting went as usual, and Sirius seemed to be back to normal. Even to the degree that Severus wondered if he had imagined it.

Then he saw Sirius look over, and that maddened glint was back.

Soon enough, the meeting was over, and as everyone stood to leave, Severus couldn't help but notice Sirius' hands. They were still twitching.


End file.
